Forged and Polished: Chapter Ten

I don't even need my alarm this morning. I barely slept. The prospect of going into the last day of my first big job keeps me up all night. I kept getting super close to falling asleep, but then I would be jolted awake by so much fear and anxiety again. Alex tried to help me calm down before he went to sleep, but I'm a mess. I don't even feel like myself right now.

I drag the carcass that is my body out of bed and to the shower. Charlie isn't even following me. I must have kept her awake too. I turn the shower on as high as it will go and burn my skin for fifteen minutes. My head hasn't stopped spinning since around midnight.

I barely even recognize my own face as I start to get ready. This whole thing feels very out of body. If I'm going to do this, I'm going to hold my head high today. Today ending means so many more amazing things start. I can openly begin dating Alex...

With that in mind, I dress in my power outfit. Dark black skinny jeans, a deep blood red blouse, a choker, rings on multiple fingers, and heeled combat boots let me refocus into my bad bitch mode. It's cheesy, but it helps. It's almost a work appropriate version of who I become with I'm Queen. I need her confidence and power right now, or I'm going to start crying again.

The drive to work feels like it's over in a blink. Charlie is happy looking out her window while I try to focus on my music but completely miss it even playing. I am truly an anxious mess. I don't really know how I even got to work.

Alex's car is already here, so I park next to him. Maybe it's stupid, but I want to be close to him. I need so much emotional support right now. He's quickly becoming my person even though it's been a week since we finally confessed everything to each other.

I grab Charlie and head in for the last time. One foot in front of the other. I don't think I can manage any other high level thought. I open the door to the main hallway and let Charlie out of her carrier. She knows where her office is, so she trots down to it. I say hi to Jim, walk into my office with Charlie ahead of me, and close the door. I'm already close to a breakdown. There's a small bunch of flowers on my desk with a card from everyone. I don't know if I can hold back the tears.

I go over to the card and see everyone's notes. Some genuine. Some fake as shit. But Alex's is sweet and signed with a super fucking cheesy heart. I'm guessing this was his idea, and he added that last. Either that or someone else is going to be asking some questions.

A light knock at the door is my only warning before Alex ducks in and closes it behind him.

"You've got to stop coming in here with the door closed. People are going to talk," I quip at him. I notice a tear roll down my cheek that I can't stop.

He smiles, "Liz, it's your last day. There's not enough time for them to notice."

He grabs me in his arms and tucks my head under his chin. He presses a gentle kiss onto my head and continues, "deep breaths. Take your last meetings, clean up, and hang around. I know you're done with everything else."

"You've said all of that before," I snark at him but don't move from his arms.

"Stop with the sass baby girl," he whispers.

My heart actually stops. I freeze up a little. We haven't discussed nicknames yet, and that one's a really loaded one for me. Yet, somehow, I don't hate it from him.

I think he notices my body language because he pulls me slightly away and asks, "I'm sorry. I should have asked if that was okay. Are you okay?"

His face is so soft and worried. Maybe I'm just a mess because all he's done is treat me so gently. Someday I'm going to have to discuss names and treating me like I'm breakable but not today. Instead of responding with my words, I lean up and kiss him.

He responds to me right away and matches my every touch. He pulls me right back against him as I wrap my arms around his neck.

Somewhere in the back of my mind, I know I shouldn't have done that. We are both so close to losing our minds that stopping with a short kiss was not going to happen. But how am I actually supposed to stop? I've wanted this man for years.

He pulls me away before we push any further. Frankly, I don't think I could stop myself right now if I needed too. My brain is so stressed and tired that it's running on instinct, and all of my instincts want him.

"Rude," I whisper at him.

He chuckles but steps back.

"Liz, this isn't the time or the place. I want to properly worship you," he whispers back.

I let out a small groan without even realizing it. He's smirking as he turns to open the door and head down the hall.

I force my body to move and sit down at my desk. I pull up my email and send a few responses. I don't have a ton to do besides a farewell meeting with my practice group and a wrap up meeting with one of my project groups. Everything else is done.

So for the first time in a while, I read. I just pull up some articles and read. I don't have anymore professional deadlines here, and I haven't had time to catch up on literature in my fields of interest in a long time.

In between articles, I pack up the last few things in my office that I haven't taken home yet. It's mostly things like my keyboard and my snacks. I've taken home most of the other personal items in the last two weeks. All of my decorations are off the walls, and all of Charlie's things are packed.

We are doing a full office goodbye lunch at noon, and the time drags on and flies by. Time really is a fickle thing. I look up, and it's a few minutes before noon, so I head out to the conference room with Charlie in tow. She has a paw around my neck while we walk down the hallway. She's part of this team too.

People are starting to gather, and I can feel the tears starting in the corners of my eyes. Charlie jumps down onto the table, while I sit down in my normal seat: right next to Alex. He hasn't shown up yet, but being manager, he gets the head of the table.

My admin Sarah comes in and sits next to me, Charlie is making her rounds for love, and her and I settle into easy conversation. Time is moving too fast again.

I notice Alex come in while she and I are talking about her grandbabies. I'm going to miss her a lot. I notice a gentle touch as Alex walks behind my chair. It's subtle, but it's definitely on purpose. His hand dragged across my neck and shoulder.

He's not quick enough though. Sarah looks me dead in the eye and whispers, "uh what was that about."

"Nothing. Just a mistake, I'm sure," I respond.

"I don't believe you Liz. Something isn't adding up," she says before turning to everyone else to start the meal.

She says some really sweet things, Alex says the standard corporate goodbye without making eye contact, and then everyone starts talking over each other.

She turns to me again before I can focus on anyone else, "are you going to tell me what's actually going on?"

"I swear nothing is happening! He just wasn't paying attention!" I snip back.

"Bull," she lowers her voice, "are you two fucking?"

My eyes almost pop out of my face before I can respond, "no! I swear."

At least, I'm not lying. Yet.

"We are just friends. Like normal."

Okay, now I'm lying.

"I don't know if I believe you," she says but then turns to talk to someone else.

I can feel how flushed my face is, and my heart is running a million miles an hour. He really shouldn't have done that. That was way too risky, but I can't honestly say I didn't like it. His touch is electrifying right now even if it's just the brush of a hand. I need this man in every way, and I'll take anything I can get.

I look over to Alex finally. He's smiling, but it's not reaching his eyes. He locks with mine, and I can see the sadness in them.

"How are you doing? Are you ready for your week off?" He asks. The polite small talk hurts a little. I know he can't actually have the conversations we normally do, but that doesn't mean I don't want them.

"I'm so ready for a week off. I can clean and do things. And sleep. I can finally sleep," I chuckle lightly. He's not sitting far from me, so I lift my legs and drape my feet over his. He smiles when he notices, but no one should notice this. It's stupid, but I need to feel him in some way.

Everyone is eating and talking now, so Alex and I slip into our more comfortable banter.  I see a little glint in his eye that worries me. He's gotten bolder with pushing the lines over the last week.

"So Liz, tell me. What movie?" He smirks. The mother fucker smirks.

My jaw would be on the floor right now if I didn't have to play it cool. Is he really asking me which movie we are watching tomorrow? In front of everyone here?

I don't respond, and he pushes me again, "Liz, I know you know what I just asked."

What the fuck. Didn't he say we had to keep it a secret?! Wasn't HE the one who insisted? This is getting way too close for someone to notice.

He doesn't take his eyes off me. Pushing me. He's not going to let me ignore this one.

"Okay fine. Insidious." If he's going to poke me, I'm going to be ridiculous.

Instead of calling me on it, he meets me toe-to-toe.

"If you insist, that can work," he retorts. Fucker.

"You know I'm not serious," I pause. "I don't even like horror."

"Oh I know. I'm waiting, Liz," he keeps poking.

I'm fully engrossed in this discussion now. I've forgotten that everyone else is in the room.

"I don't honestly even care what's on the tv.  I highly doubt you do either," I respond in a lower voice.

He's not even surprised at my response. He looks like he's enjoying this game he started. Now, it's my turn to try to manage my responses in the office. People aren't really listening to us, but there's no way of knowing when someone will turn to us. A room full of intelligent scientists and engineers will eventually notice a change.

"Liz, I couldn't care less what's on the tv. I'm not planning on paying attention to it. Not when I have something much better in front of me," he says.

My head is spinning. How is he playing with this in front of everyone? I thought we both agreed that we needed to be careful.

"Alex..." I draw out his name while moving myself ever so slightly closer, making sure our legs are still intertwined as much as possible under the table.

He looks around quickly, and then leans in to lower his voice, "Liz, you teased me without pause on Tuesday. I've been waiting to taste you since. Don't act innocent."

He leans back and looks over to my side. My admin is watching now. I can feel my face turning bright red and heat speeding straight to my core, but he remains calm. He's locked down his face to neutral again. I hate that he's so easily able to switch it all down.

I can't handle him right now. I want to run away and climb him. I want him in every deep, horrific, and all consuming way. I can't do anything except rearrange myself in my chair. Before I can face my admin again, I pick up my phone and open up Alex's chat.

What the fuck happened to hiding?

I can't hide behind my phone for long, so I just look around the table. It's easy to grab onto the conversations happening, and I soak it all in. This will be the last time I'm with all of these people.

Alex and I spend the whole time touching. Neither one of us moving our legs away, but focusing on others around us. The lunch ends way too soon, but before I can fully retreat to my office, my admin grabs me and pulls me aside in the hallway.

"I know what I just saw Liz. When did that start?!" She asks with lots of enthusiasm.

I just stand there and blink at her. What am I supposed to say? His career is on the line.

She doesn't let me walk away or turn away. She's demanding answers.

"Liz, I won't do anything with the information. We are friends, but I need to know, or I am going to spin up my own story in my head."

One breath. Two.

"Only a week. You cannot breathe a word of this to anyone else here. We can't put his career in any danger. I'll tell you more outside of work if you want to know. And no, I haven't slept with him," I spill out.

She nods, smirks, and then lets me go after that.

Fuck. No one was supposed to know. She's not going to say anything, but I know I'm going to have to answer some questions from her. We are actually friends now anyways.

It's really the end of my last day. There's nothing left to do here. There's nothing left in forensics for me.

Charlie and I are the only things left in this office when Alex stops by again. I just look up as the tears start to fall.

"Alex, I'm fine. Just give me a minute," I whisper.

His eyes are soft and watchful as closes the door a little but not all the way. He takes a seat in the visitor's chair as he pulls it to directly across my desk.

"You don't look fine. Are you okay? How can I help?" He asks with his softest voice.

I just nod in response. Nothing is really wrong. I'm just sad. I'm feeling everything I've been trying to manage all week.

"I'm just feeling a lot. I promise I'll be okay Alex."

He nods, but he's not moving.

"Alex the door is open. I'm not saying much else. I promise I can manage. It's just an ending with some extra strings," I manage to say. Tears are still falling down my face, and I'm not doing well stopping them.

He nods and stands to circle my desk. He pulls me up into his arms for a hug. He really needs to stop doing that.

"How about you pack up Charlie and say goodbyes? Then come and find me, and I can walk you out," he speaks softly into my hair.

I nod against his chest, and he lets me go. Charlie is next to me, so I scoop her up. It's time.

We do what Alex suggested and say goodbye to everyone one last time.

Turning into his office with Charlie for the last time, he stands and follows me out without saying much of anything. We reach my car, and I put Charlie in the passenger seat. It's her last ride home before she retires as the official business cat.

When I stand up Alex is watching me, "text me when you get home Liz. Then I'll see you tomorrow?"

"I will. And yes. Thank god yes," I laugh and walk over to my driver side door. He follows me every step of the way.

Before I can slip into my car, he pulls me close to him and turns me around.

"Alex!" I start giggling. I love his energy right now.

"Nope. No stopping me. No complaining. I'm not your coworker anymore. You're only my girlfriend now," and he leans down to kiss me , not a shy kiss either. This kiss feels like him starting something new.

He doesn't look over his shoulder. I don't stop him. The waiting is really over. I can have him now.

<3